So it’s Tuesday.
Tuesdays my Facebook Feed lights up with Transformation Tuesday hashtagged Images and I am always inspired by what people are putting out there.
The last 2-3 weeks, however, I’ve looked away. I did not want to see them at all.
Why, you might ask?
I had failed in my own Transformation.
I was doing so well too and then it all went downhill. Fast and Furiously.
For one reason and one reason only. One reason that showed me just how vulnerable and weak I really am. And then I went through some sort of grieving process. Everything from denial, to anger, to sorrow, to fear of moving on.
Do you think that’s a little bit pathetic?
I thought so when I first started analyzing it all in my head, but hey, it’s what happened!
So here was the ONE phrase that derailed 6 weeks of my PiYo/Shakeology/Life Transformation Experience, something that was changing my Health so drastically that I didn’t think something seemingly so small could even get to me. Especially when I only had 2 weeks left until I had my first round complete and I was proud of how far I had come and was ready to share it with my Virtual Support System (aka Friends and Family)…
“Oh, I didn’t know you were expecting again! Congratulations!”
Yes, there you have it.
I look pregnant.
You know, the funny thing is that at first it did not bother me one bit. I even told her and Grant later, that I was thankful that at least my body had toned everywhere else and the one area I had left was my midsection. The other reason was because I chose to wear a new shirt that day. A workout shirt I had bought that did not fit me when I got it and I was so excited that I had gotten far enough to be able to wear it and it didn’t fit badly either – it just didn’t hide everything, as my clothes had before. Because I was proud of my accomplishment. I was proud of my perseverance and I was proud of how I was feeling.
It’s pride that comes before the fall, right?
So, the deep dark Voice from within started eating at me and I stopped cold turkey. I guess, somewhere in my brain I kept telling myself. “Why bother?”
And now…. well now, I am back where I started. Aaaaaaaaaall the way back. That fast.
Which just made the feeling worse and I got angry at the Health & Fitness World and then at Myself. And then Depression hit. Something that my Journey had fended off for those 6 weeks and I was not happy to see again. Because it is not simply a feeling of despair and sadness, etc., but it takes it ALL our of me! I hide. It’s like an ostrich putting its head in the sand because you just don’t want to see what’s going on around and you just can’t deal with it at the moment and that’s when everything else derails…. time for the kids, the housework, keeping up friendships, keeping up marriage, keeping up work – all of it falls away to the wayside and Life piles up all around you and it just gets worse and worse – a really bad cycle.
I don’t want it.
I need help.
I need YOUR help to keep me accountable when you see no more Facebook posts. It’s hard to engage when in that kind of slump, but it helps eventually.
So here’s my Reflection – here’s what my Transformation had done for my Health and what I desire to get back:
1. No more Backpain, despite the fact that I have Mild Scoliosis.
2. Increase in Energy.
3. Very little to no Depression and Anxiety.
4. My Umbilical Hernia had decreased to where I hardly noticed anymore.
5. Increase in Flexibility.
6. More Positive and Optimistic Attitude.
7. Healthy Bowel Movements and no IBS.
8. No Headaches.
9. More Patience for my Children.
10. Increased Sense of Peace and Satisfaction.
11. Was able to Jump on the Trampoline with the Boys, as well as Sneeze without my weakened Bladder malfunctioning.
12. Better Posture.
13. Increase in Muscle Mass, decrease in Body Volume.
14. Increase in Motivation/Hope.
I’m sure there’s more, but that is what I can think of on the top of my head…
Here’s what my Derailment did for my Health:
1. Full-blown Stress-Induced Body Rash.
5. Depression and Anxiety.
6. IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome) with lots of Pain.
11. Loss of Motivation/Hope.
12. No Weight Gain, but Muscle Loss.
13. Overall Loss of Productivity.
14. Umbilical Hernia has weakened again.
…. just a few.
And here’s the New Pursuit:
Shakeology once a Day (Snack or Breakfast).
PiYo Daily (with One Day of Rest a Week).
Determination to stick to a Schedule (I just need it to make it work!).
Accountability Group (I can’t do it without one).
Just those two simple Tasks would help me regain all the Health Benefits I got to enjoy experiencing the first go around.
Here’s to regaining Control. Again.
If it’s broke, fix it, right?
And in the Words of Chalene Johnson:
It does not matter how much you are able to get done in your workouts –