One of my favorite parts of the Shrek Movie is the part about Layers and Onions.
I am an Onion. I have tons of Layers. And you know what? I am not afraid of them.
When you live a Life with so many nuances, it is sometimes a hard decision what Parts of Myself should I allow the Public to see. And I mean, the Public, not the People around me, because, let’s face it, with Social Media, we are all in the Public Eye.
I am first and foremost a Christian. I dedicate my Life to my Lord and Savior. I try my Best and I want to spend Eternity in the Glory of God.
I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me. – Galatians 2, 20
I am thankful to live in His amazing Creation, of which I learn from each Day.
I am a Wife. Not just a wife, but a Military Spouse. I won’t go into what that means or does not mean. Some will understand and others won’t care. Being a Spouse is not easy, no matter what Kind. But one of the Difficulties with living within the Military, is how much one is supposed to be careful of how much about your Life is revealed and shared. Or not. And I am not just a Military Spouse, but also One that adheres to God’s Word. A Wife who strives to go past what Society thinks a Wife should be and act on what God asks of me. For all those out there who don’t study and believe in the Word, just know that it is in no way a simple task. And again, it comes with Expectations of how much of the Reality of being that kind of Wife to reveal and how much to keep hidden.
Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies. The heart of her husband safely trusts her; So he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil. All the days of her life. – Proverbs 31, 10-12
I am a Mother. My Children are Gifts from God. I spend most of my Day hoping that I am doing it Right. Every Day, I am amazed by these little Beings that give me so much. They consume most of my Time and they deserve to have it! They teach me more than I could ever teach them. Having three Little Men and another Child to debut in August, I am not afraid to admit that I am tired, that sometimes I wish I had some time to Myself, that my Patience runs out often, and that trying often does not seem like enough. But when they smile at me with those Eyes, my Heart swells with Love – every Time. They are the Best Achievement I can boast of – if I am even allowed to take any Credit…
Let the little children come to Me, and do not forbid them; for of such is the kingdom of heaven. – Matthew 19, 14
Love Token from Abner, yesterday.
I am a TCK (Third Culture Kid). Again, something that is rather hard to explain, but in a Nutshell – You feel lost the Majority of the Time, but also incredibly Blessed by all the Things, Places and People who I have the Privilege to shape me. I am raising TCKs and was raised by a TCK.
This world is not my home I’m just a passing through. My treasures are laid up somewhere beyond the blue. The angels beckon me from heaven’s open door. And I can’t feel at home in this world anymore. – Song Lyrics by Albert E. Brumley, 1937
Ephraim chasing Small Wonders
I am also other Things. A Friend, A Sister, A Daughter, A Musician, A Visual Artist, a Writer… and on the List goes.
But why am I writing all this? What ties all this together?
Well, the point I am trying to make is the Fact that we are all complex Beings, with Depth, and Layers. But somehow the Public World seems to be afraid of the deeper Layers. It’s all about the Smiles and the “Good Appearance”. Why? Why not?
What triggered this Post was a Picture that I have put up on my Facebook Profile. To me, it is an artistic Expression of who I am at Times. It seems to worry or even scare People. Why would I put that up? What is wrong with Miriam?
It’s who I am. Not on a regular basis. But sometimes. And why not? It is those Times that I become the most creative (this time I wrote a new Song, for example), that I search the Bible the most, that I am in-tune with the Reality of my Inner Core.
It is just as much a part of my Fabric, as everything else.
I created the Image as part of a Self-Portrait Challenge. It speaks for the Unspoken. But I wonder, perhaps that Side of People should be spoken of more often. Or if People aren’t comfortable with that, I hope that at least they view these kind of Images just as Beautiful as those of the other Side of the Spectrum. It is nothing to be weary of.
So, sometimes I feel like this:
And other Times, I feel like this:
Photocredit: Lauren Pinkston
To me, they go Hand in Hand. If I don’t feel one Way, I can’t fully appreciate the Other, and allow it work in me!
Do you think Jesus was always smiling? Or happy? Or even at peace? No. And for that I am incredibly thankful.
It’s alright to live in all our Layers. Read the Psalms. Look at David.
As an Artist, I will always be delving into all my Layers. I hope that can be something to be appreciated and might allow others to explore their Layers also – even if not in the “Public Eye”.
As long as I am able to give my All over to the Lord, I could not be in a better Place! Because I always know that no matter how dark it might seem to Others, I know that HE can see me, can hear me – there is no Place I can go where He won’t find me! What a comforting Fact of my Reality!
You have searched me, Lord,
and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue
you, Lord, know it completely.
You hem me in behind and before,
and you lay your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.
Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,”
even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
How precious to me are your thoughts,God!
How vast is the sum of them!
Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand—
when I awake, I am still with you.
If only you, God, would slay the wicked!
Away from me, you who are bloodthirsty!
They speak of you with evil intent;
your adversaries misuse your name.
Do I not hate those who hate you, Lord,
and abhor those who are in rebellion against you?
I have nothing but hatred for them;
I count them my enemies.
Search me, God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting. – Psalm 139
Search me, God, and know my heart!
May you always be thankful for ALL your Layers and allow His Love to work through them with You – for His Glory. Our Fabric is woven deeply, created by the All-Knowing, and worth exploring…
Being Broken only means that He will be there to put the Pieces back together again.